If there is anything that I have learned in my nineteen years, It is that the journey is the destination. I had plans to graduate with a four year degree in three years, become a doctor within a fast-paced E.R. and have a family. However, after having spent many days skipping high school classes and classically putting fun before school, my plans were getting further and further away. After my boyfriend and I grew apart, I moved out of our house, and I had no place to live. I became a gypsy. Eventually, I was literally skipping college classes to either go to the gym to beat out some anger or take up extra shifts at Tumbleweed. I moved in with another server from the restaurant, a kind soul about my age in a small apartment on the most happening part of town. However, I was depressed and incoherent most of the time but in all honesty, it was arguably the best time of my life. I was questioning my dreams and learning more about myself than ever. And tale as old as time, again I was putting recreation before long-term goals so I packed everything I owned in my green Hyundai and drove ten hours to Baltimore, Maryland to move in with my father’s brother and his wife who I have only seen on the occasional holiday. I moved up here to try to focus on school but I have become a restless soul, not knowing what I want in life or even what I specifically want out of this education. Through this journey over the last two years, I have had more surprising and valuable experiences than I can count and frankly, it has made me fearless. So if I believe in anything, I believe in learning from the journey and as cliché as it sounds, often times the journey can take you places you are not going to want but they can take you other unimaginable places that may end up feeling right. This I believe. Take the journey and make it count.
Word count: 298
I think your essay is really interesting. The only thing I would change is the I believe statement at the end of the essay. It's really wordy and gets a little confusing. It sounds a little strange, just re-word it. Also maybe separate your essay into paragraphs so it appeals more to the reader.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to things not going as planned. I had so many plans in high school, but because of not trying my best, I watched most of those plans slip away.
ReplyDeleteI would recommend breaking it up into paragraphs to make it easier to read.
Great essay and great use of vocabulary. It made me want to read on to see where your journey goes. I remember in the Y-section discussion you said how it was more your parents dreams of you becoming a doctor. I find it inspiring that you're so independent and could move all the way here by yourself and make your own plans. I find too often I do things for other people yet can't find the strength to say, "No this is what I want."
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I agree with the first comment about separating it into paragraphs. Other than that I have nothing, nice job.
Overall, I really like your essay. I love how personal and real it is, but I did notice some grammar issues. I'm not sure if some sentences were missing words or had to many words, but I had to reread some parts of your blog, especially towards the end. I also think that separating your essay into different paragraphs would help out a lot as well.
ReplyDeleteGreat use of personal experience in your essay. Its really nice to see how someone can learn so much and yet, not be in college. I 100% agree about the journey being more important than the end result
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to see you choose to return to school in the end. I sometimes find it difficult to stay but worry I'd never return if I left.
ReplyDeleteLoved it. I seemed to be taken away with this journey, but I would change the belief line to a stronger phrase or word.
ReplyDelete